It’s more important than ever to teach our children about consent.
Understanding and respecting boundaries isn’t just a lesson for adults—it’s something we can instill in kids from a young age.
Teaching consent early helps children develop respect for themselves and others, laying the foundation for healthy relationships. Whether it’s learning to ask before giving a hug or recognizing when to say “no,” these lessons are crucial for their development.
Here are some expert-backed tips to help guide you in teaching your child about consent:
1. Teach Kids That Their Body Belongs to Them
One of the first steps in teaching children about consent is helping them understand that no one has the right to touch their body without permission. Explain to your child that they are in control of their body and that they should always tell a trusted adult if someone makes them feel uncomfortable.
You can also introduce the “underwear rule”: Let them know that no one should touch the areas covered by underwear, and they should not touch others in those areas either. It’s important to teach kids the correct names for their body parts, so they can clearly communicate if something happens.
2. Encourage Kids to Ask Before Touching Others
Many children love to hug and be affectionate, but it’s important they learn to respect others’ boundaries. Teach them to ask for permission before hugging or touching someone else. For example, they can say, “Would you like a hug?” If the other person says no, remind your child that it’s okay, and suggest an alternative like giving a high-five or a wave.
This teaches respect for personal boundaries from a young age, reinforcing the idea that consent must be given before physical contact.
3. Emphasize That “No” and “Stop” Must Always Be Respected
Make sure your child understands that if someone says “no” or “stop,” those words must be respected immediately, whether it’s during play or in any other situation. Similarly, if your child says “no,” they should expect others to respect their boundaries.
Explain that if a friend doesn’t stop when asked, it’s okay to find other friends who respect their feelings. This reinforces the idea that consent is a two-way street and teaches children to set boundaries confidently.
4. Foster Empathy to Understand Boundaries
Helping children develop empathy is key to understanding consent. Use everyday situations to help your child recognize how their actions affect others. For example, if your child shares a toy with a friend, say, “Look how happy Rosie is because you shared your toy!” Or if they hurt someone’s feelings, explain how the other child feels, and ask your child to think about how they would feel in the same situation.
Teach them to pay attention to non-verbal cues, like facial expressions and body language, to ensure everyone is comfortable during play. This not only builds empathy but also helps them become more aware of unspoken boundaries.
Another fun way to foster empathy is by playing body language charades. This can help teach children about how to read body language and non-verbal cues. You can act scared, happy, sad, frustrated, angry, and more.
5. Model Consent in Everyday Life
As a parent, you can model consent by respecting your child’s boundaries. For example, ask before helping them wash or wipe if they’re old enough to do it themselves. Offer choices for physical affection, like asking if they’d prefer to give grandma a high-five or blow her a kiss instead of forcing them to hug or kiss.
By modeling these behaviors, you teach your child that consent and respecting boundaries are important in all relationships.
6. Teach Kids to Trust Their Gut Feelings
Explain to your child that they have a “gut feeling” that tells them when something feels wrong or uncomfortable. Ask if they’ve ever had that feeling and reassure them that it’s important to trust it. Encourage your child to come to you if something doesn’t feel right, no matter what.
This teaches them to recognize situations where boundaries may be crossed, and it empowers them to speak up.
7. Explain Enthusiastic Consent to Older Children
As your child grows older, it’s important to explain enthusiastic consent. This means that in any romantic or physical situation, both people must actively agree before anything happens. Make it clear that only “yes” means “yes,” and anything less than that is not consent.
This prepares them for future relationships, where clear and enthusiastic consent is a must.
8. Talk About How Drugs and Alcohol Affect Consent (For Teens)
As your child becomes a teenager, open an honest dialogue about how drugs and alcohol can impair judgment and affect consent. Ask questions like:
- How will you know when you’ve had too much to drink?
- How does drinking change your behavior?
- How will you know if it’s okay to kiss or touch someone when alcohol is involved?
Encourage them to always ask for permission, especially in situations where alcohol is present, and teach them to recognize when someone else is too impaired to give consent.
By teaching consent early and reinforcing these lessons as your child grows, you help them understand the importance of respecting boundaries, advocating for themselves, and building healthy relationships. Remember, these conversations are ongoing and essential for your child’s emotional and social development.
Family time can be a great opportunity to practice the lessons of consent and respect. Learn how to strengthen family bonds in this guide to fun, family-friendly activities.
As you teach your child about boundaries and respect, it’s also important to help them navigate difficult conversations about safety and violence. Learn how to talk to your child about tragic events with these expert tips for discussing shootings with kids.
Sources:
- https://www.huffingtonpost.com/good-men-project/this-is-how-you-teach-kids-about-consent_b_10360296.html
- https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/5-ways-to-teach-your-children-about-consent/
- https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/teach-young-kids-consent-respect-sex/
- http://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2017-04-27/teaching-kids-consent/8475740
Calie Herbst, Editor-in-Chief of Milwaukee With Kids, has spent over a decade combining her experiences as a parent of three to create a hub for Milwaukee’s family adventures.
Her decade-long teaching career in Milwaukee Public Schools and academic background, including a Master’s in Teaching from Marquette University and dual B.A.s in Sociology and Spanish from the University of Wisconsin – Madison, fuel her passion for inclusive and engaging family content.
Calie is also a recognized voice in local media, contributing to WISN Channel 12 News, WTMJ Wisconsin Morning News, Fox 6’s Real Milwaukee, and B93.3.
Discover more about Calie’s journey and editorial approach on her About Page and Editorial Policy Page.
